Monday, 21 November 2016

How to OverCome Self-Doubt: A New Perspective to 6 Tips

It's a new week with a whole new set of probabilities & awesome paths your life can take.
Let's kickit off with #MondayMotivation

"Too often do we settle for less when More becomes exceedingly unavailable.
     Believe in More." ~ @Alfonzowords 

Today I'm talking about something personal and an old enemy of mine. Self-Doubt.
If I'm being honest though, it has been both my ruination & salvation at times. You can bet it's made me into the Writer I am today.

Self-Doubt to me is a mighty temptress, able to find you at your most vulnerable, often catching you unawares. She is quite possibly the Greatest enemy ever known to Creativity. Yet one cannot exist without the other. 
She's able to take your innermost fears & twist them inextricably until all you believe is that you deserve the life you're currently living and that this is as far as you'll ever go. 

"We accept the love we think we deserve."
My favorite quote from the movie: The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
It has such deep meaning for us all. 
We really do accept what we think we deserve. 

Last week I fell pray to this mistress of deception. She tackled me when all seemed to go wrong in my life. And true to her seductive nature she lulled me into a sense of numbness whereby I was given tiny whispers that it's ok to be lazy, it's ok to take a break...and even to give up.

We've all had these moments haven't we? The ones where even when things are going great, even when we're offered Big opportunities, there's that one moment where Doubt creeps in. Slowly at first and not until it has its sharp claws deep within you do you feel that colossal wave sweep through you, that horrible pit in your stomach and that voice in your head saying "I'm not good enough." or my personal favorite, "There's no way I can do that."

It's like a never ending curse that we must all bare our souls to and somehow survive each time it happens.

Did you know JK Rowling, one of the most successful authors in history went through horrible depression and self doubt? Oh yes. Boy did she ever.
She was a single mom with little to no means of supporting her family and a very Real chance that they would be taken away from her. I can't even fathom what it would be like to be her at that very moment.
In fact, if you're a fan of the Harry Potter series, you'll notice that the Dementors were inspired by the turmoil she experienced whilst depressed. Ghoulish creatures that are able to suck every ounce of happiness you posses.

So let's get cracking on that Cure then shall we before those nasty Dementors return
I'm going to go through the number One google result for Overcoming Self Doubt and see what spin I can give.

6. Ask Yourself Empowering Questions.

Hmm this could be a new take on affirmations, instead of just saying the words you're now asking the questions of yourself and confirming the answers.
Allowing you to admit to yourself your strengths and weaknesses, fears and beliefs.
* Do you want to be responsible for your own life decisions?
* Do you have the courage to go after what you want and see it through?
* Can you accept that fear is part of the journey and move forward anyway?
* Can you recognize that fear is only your leader if you allow it to be?

The mind is a fickle thing, it can change so suddenly or just be a stubborn nail that you can never budge. So it's important to reassure the mind every day of it's true purpose. To remain strong for the dreams and passions you wish to pursue.

5. Decide You Don’t Have To Do Anything. 

"I wish to control the universe and make it so nothing bad happens ever again!"
Whether naive or mature, I believe at some level we all want absolute control.
This one seems to involve an excercise to show You that You have the power of Choice. That you can either choose to do something or not to do it. The choice and therefore responsibility is all on you thereafter.
This is hogwash ofcourse, this is the very problem that breeds self doubt, it's not that we don't feel in control or that we don't feel like our decisions matter. It's Because we feel the control and the responsibility that Doubt haunts us endlessly. It's because we feel like even if we make the decision, even if we take on the responsibility and put on that brave face, how are we suppose to Face it when it all falls apart or that our choices inevitably led us to that dark and dingy road of failure?

With this point I would say, screw control. You have enough on your plate with work, the family, the kids, the house, the food, the money, the retirement plan, the travel. And then on top of all of that you add the workload of pursuing your dreams...

Just Decide that no ONE decision is going to make or break you, decide that you'll have to take on this feeling of Self-Doubt each and every time, battle it just like the warriors in those Mythical stories. It's not about winning or losing, it's about surviving each time.

4. Build Your Confidence Muscle. 
Here they talk about how every obstacle, every failure, every setback builds your confidence muscle.
Confidence isn't created or bought or even's Earned. I'm talking about true confidence. not the kind you get when you go home with a hot guy or girl at the end of a date or the kind you get when you can afford an amazing car.

True confidence can only be attained by force of will. By weathering the storms, by fighting through the obstacles, by smiling through the pain and by surviving. Because once you go through the trails and tribulations, I promise you'll love yourself more for making it on your own terms.

3. Change your attitude about failure.
In the highly popular Divergent movie series, the main character Tris often has this remarked about her:
"Fear doesn't shut you down, it wakes you up."

Thankfully these aren't just statements and the character proves this quality by action many times over in the books & movies.
There are honestly so many types of fears out there, it's mindboggling. So how are we suppose to conquer something that exists practically in every direction around the world? WE DON'T
The psychobible says that there are many ways to overcome fear but why should we overcome it? Why, when we can change it, mold it to our liking. Just look at that fear from a different perspective.

My favorite quote illustrates this perfectly:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

Such awesome meaning here! I love it.
Here we see that most people will have a fear that they are not good enough when in fact if you look at it from a different angle, it appears that we a more afraid of succeeding than failure.
Last week when the doubt set in, I wasn't depressed because I had failed I was depressed because I wondered more than anything what I would do should I become successful.
Would I be worthy enough to deserve that success, would I be humble enough that I honor that success. Would I be mature enough to own that success...

2. Talk to someone. 

Surround yourself with only those that are going to take you higher.
This could be the most difficult step for anyone. Because we so desperately want to believe in our friends to have faith that they will be there when we need them the most.
It's easy to make friends but it's not so easy to find the ones that are truly selfless in their actions towards you. Find that friend that's there in a heart beat, to Listen only, to allow you that opportunity to vent, to say everything on your mind no matter how ridiculous, dark or funny it may sound. They listen and comfort. They when all is said and done, they Support. They are that pillar that keeps you from diving into the abyss of doubt.

1. Make a Decision.
For pursuing your Dream. YOU ARE AWESOME.
Never, ever ever never ever never Never forget that. 
It's the start of a new week, it's a beginning of sorts. The perfect place to make that decision to TRY. For every great success on this planet began with that very same decision to TRY.

It's so so EASY for us to fall into rooted routines and accustomed paths that it's almost impossible to break free, to ignore that part of your brain that compels you to procrastinate or value other things in your life as of more import.
No one, no one can make this decision for you. You could read a hundred blog posts and a thousand self help books on overcoming doubt but you'll move no further than where you are now if you don't make a DECISION to TRY.

I say this in the hopes that now only you hear it but that I do too. For no one is perfect & even the most motivated people on the planet have darkened days of self doubt and reprimand. What matters most is that we ALL just keep moving forward, keep battling those demons, keep surviving and just plain ol' keep on keepin' on!

I really do Believe in all of you and the immense power you carry within your beating heart and fiery soul. We are all capable and the greatest disappointment would be to not honor the potential we have.

So I beseech you, start to Dream again, start to Believe in You because I already do. I have faith that all of you can & will accomplish incredible and insurmountable feats. Your dream is still there, I promise you it's still there. Reach out and Soar with it.
ROAR like the Lion you were always meant to be!

© Enricoh Alfonzo ~ Alfonzo Words
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~Be Kind to One Another~ Ellen Degeneres


  1. Wow - not only is this post written exceptional well, it arrived at just the time I needed it. And not a minute too late. Thanks buddy! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    1. Awwwww Arigato Chriss cross, means so much to receive such awesome feedback.

  2. I know you were working through some of your own things, which is how and why this post as created. I just hope you know that it will be very helpful for many and that includes myself. Very relatable post.

  3. I know talking things out helps me. And yes, always try! You just never know what will happen.

  4. Your posts are always so motivating! My favorite is asking myself empowering questions and building the confidence muscle. Just reading those questions from this post already sparked a fire in me. In terms of the confidence muscle, I found that being nicer to me and talking to myself nicely and not sarcastically helps a lot!

    1. Haha Thank you, well your comments are always so encouraging. I'm so happy this had such an effect on you. It warms my heart.
      I write these to inspire not only others but myself as well, to keep reminding myself that We're all good enough.

  5. Your posts make me happy!! Thank you for your amazing words, so inspiring <3

  6. This i similar to something i wrote. Fear has the power to paralyze you but are we will to take the fear and train it? Great questions really makes readers think.

  7. I have self doubt and talking to my husband brings me back to a confident person. Sometimes I just need to reassured.

  8. I struggle with self doubt too often!!! These tips will def be internalized!

  9. Self doubt can really take a toll on your progress in life. It's important to learn how to fight it. These are great tips!

  10. I allow fear to be my leader too often. I need to make a change

  11. All your tips are very helpful.. I need to motivate myself to overcome my self doubt coz it happens to me once in a while.. Thanks for sharing this..

  12. Buongiorno mio caro amico! As always your posts are incredibly encouraging, keep me moving towards my dreams! It's easy to get lost in a sea of self-doubt and fears, all we can do is ROAR like the Lion towards our self-confidence and roaring success! Love how you wrote 'YOU ARE AWESOME.Never, ever ever never ever never Never forget that.’ Great!

  13. Excellent post! Very inspirational. I can't think of a single person who wouldn't benefit from this advice. Everyone has trials and tribulations but the negativity one brings onto themselves is a true battle to get through it all. And these tips will definitely help

  14. It is true. Self doubt is a never ending curse and sadly I doubt myself way more than is healthy which is obviously not a good thing. Its a bad habit.

  15. It is so important to believe in ourselves. We have to keep pushing on and stop thinking we are not capable.

  16. Self doubt is a huge obstacle to overcome especially if you're not sure about what to do. Awesome tips, they're definitely going to help!

  17. Everyone has self-doubt and sometimes we get plagued by it. But we need to start believing in ourselves.

  18. I have a ton of self doubt. Something I am working on. I am trying to get my body right but I am always doubting myself.

  19. Great ways to promote confidence. Especially when dealing with tough life decisions.

  20. Great ideas to help improve confidence. Thanks so much!

  21. Great tips! <3 You are usually your own worst enemy!

  22. Self doubt is the worst! I am always my own worst enemy and even though I realize it I can't seem to get over it.

  23. I love how optimistic this post is :) I enjoyed reading this!

  24. Very well written! I love how optimistic this post is and finding confident to combat it.

  25. Beautifully and very eloquently written! It's true, self-doubt is awful and we all get it, even the most confident person gets it from time to time! I love the quote from Barney Stinson in there too!

  26. I love this so much! It is so important for us to build ourselves up and each other!

  27. Going through some serious life changing events right now so I really needed this right now. Thank you for sharing! She's an old enemy of mine too.

  28. I can relate to this 100%! What an amazing post and useful tips! Thanks for sharing!

  29. Your tips to overcome self-doubt are awesome. I think self-doubt is definitely something that everyone has to overcome. I did not know that about JK Rowling! Look at how far she has come! She is definitely an inspiration.

  30. Overcoming self doubt is tough but when you do it feels amazing. You're better able to see it for what it really is and stop it.

  31. Some people never outgrow the total control thing. Then it turns into manipulation and a complete sense of unpleasantness when you are around them. I don't see how they can't recognize it... but I guess they just think something is wrong with EVERYone else. :)

  32. This post is so uplifting. There is no such thing as a perfect day, or a perfect life. I can find truth to the saying, behind every smile is a person stuggling to overcome a problem. I think we should let go of all pretentions and be who we truly are by overcoming self-doubt.

  33. I am glad I was able to read something enriching. Thank you.

  34. Self doubt can be debilitating. Thank you for helping with ways to overcome it.

  35. Great energy and positivity on your page. Self doubt is a crippling enemy that creeps into everyone's life from time to time, but it's important to know and have ways of combating it.

  36. Whenever I start to doubt myself, I just do whatever needs to be done next ... just keep it moving forward.


  37. One thing I have had to learn fast in my life is overcoming self doubt, I trust my initial instincts because the moment I doubt them I am wrong. Great post

  38. Thanks for your positive vision - it's just what I need at this moment in time. You probably can't hear me roar, but it's there!

  39. I love that we write about such similar topics! It's always great to see a similar perspective on struggles that everyone faces! Awesome job!

  40. I need this now. Thank you for giving me hope. This is such an inspiring article.

  41. I love how motivating this post is! So inspiring and encouraging. Definitely something I needed a reminder for.

  42. thanks for the tips. I think everyone experiences self-doubt once in a while but changing one's perspective about failure surely helps a lot.